Tips on hosting a Friendsgiving - from a long distance daughter

It’s that time of year again! Getting together with people you care about to share good food, cozy environment and happy memories. To give thanks for what we have and share with others.

As a long distance daughter, Thanksgiving is a weird time for me. Growing up right around the time when people stopped celebrating the holiday as a rebellion against the colonial history of it, and then watching the reinvention of Thanksgiving as a non-traditional sharing of good times with loved ones in my teen years, whether or not to celebrate is always a question on my mind.

Personally, I chose to celebrate my own version of the holiday. My immediate family has never been big on holidays, and with my parents in Alaska, my brother in Michigan and myself in Nevada, getting together for only a weekend of festivities isn’t really an option. To keep the holiday spirit of candlelit warmth and good times, I opt for hosting a Friendsgiving each year.

As my second time hosting a Friendsgiving, I’ve collected some tips for how to host in a place that might not quite be home and in a way that is accommodating to all attending. I have friends who live in dorms, or who are traveling or who simply don’t lead a lifestyle that lets them prepare a “normal” Thanksgiving. That’s where I try to step in and innovate a dinner that suits everybody’s needs and accommodations.

Number 1: Prep, prep, prep!

The only reason hosting a dinner has to be stressful and hectic is if you make it so! Making the start of the dishes a day or so in advance, or setting aside enough time for a casual day cooking and baking is the best way to have a fun and comfortable day the day you choose to host.

Last year I was living in the dorms, and so I used a friend’s apartment and kitchen to host a Friendsgiving dinner. My good friend, who definitely pulled his own weight in the cooking, made sure both of us were awake by 8 a.m. on the morning of Thanksgiving to begin prepping. We had staggered dishes with pies being baked first, as they could wait and cool. Then came queso and potatoes on the stovetop and proteins prepped to slow roast in the oven. It’s all about figuring out which dishes can sit and which can’t!

This year looks pretty different. While I have my own apartment and a fully stocked kitchen to prepare a dinner with, I work until the late afternoon on the day I am hosting my Friendsgiving dinner. This makes preparing dishes a much more drawn out process. I made the pumpkin pie the day before, as it can sit in the fridge, prepped everything for stuffing and mashed potatoes so that both can be thrown on the stovetop in the hour of time I’ll have between getting off of work and friends showing up. Same goes with biscuits, that are proofed in the fridge a day before so they can go into the oven as soon as I get back to my apartment and come out warm when guests arrive. With each step thought out, making a Friendsgiving dinner is as easy as… pie!

Number 2: Make what you want

Let’s be real, who is going to eat a jello salad? Just because a dish is tradition in your family, friend group or in Thanksgiving history does not mean it has to be served for your holiday dinner!

As someone who doesn’t eat poultry, red meat or dairy I am not going to be making any dishes with those ingredients for my Friendsgiving dinner. Yes, that means Thanksgiving without a turkey or ham!

If my friends want to cook and prepare dishes that aren’t their favorites, or even choices of other guests, they are fully welcome too! I’m sure some of my friends will think that stuffing is a terrible choice of side, but that isn’t stopping me from making it! Make things you know you will like, and that way there will always be a part of the dinner for you to personally enjoy. And if you aren’t the cook for the dinner, that’s okay! Even going just for the company and not for any of the food still makes for a fun evening with friends.

Number 3: Put together activities

I always have card games on hand for parties or kickbacks, as well as a college arsenal of drinking games. One of my favorite possessions, which is great to break out when hanging out with a group of friends, is a little book published in 1982 that I thrifted from a bookstore a while back called The Book of Questions. Going through “what would you do…” or “would you rather…” Questions that are very clearly dated with my friends are a fun activity that always get people talking, arguing, laughing and having a good time.

It’s important to not expect everyone to just bring the party… When hosting you need to set up a few things to start the ball rolling. As a guest too expecting to be led into having fun isn’t fair to the host or to everyone attending. It’s totally cool to set up some steps towards having fun!

Number 4: Call your family

Thanksgiving and the holiday season is supposed to be about spending time with family or with the people you love. There are hundreds of Hallmark movies preaching the message of holidays with the family in so many different fonts.

Some family holidays can be hectic, some can be sweet and warm, some can be full of arguments and frustration. Still, it is kind of an expectation that these times are done together with family.

I’m in a place right now where I cannot be with my family very much, or talk to them much either around work schedules, fun times and focusing on education and career. Still, it’s important to acknowledge during this season that spending time with loved ones is a bit of a necessity.

One thing I’ve learned from being a long distance daughter, friend and lover is that spending time with people you love doesn’t have to be in person. Sometimes that is impossible. It can be over the phone, over text or even just the people you love being a thought in your mind. Acknowledging that and making time and space for it is a big part of the enjoyment that comes with the holiday season.

Happy holidays!

What you take from this will be different for each person, and that’s the fun part about it! Have a happy holiday whether you are hosting, attending or simply watching a movie about a holiday dinner or gathering. And cheers!