20 things I've learned by 20
Oh fuck I’m 20?!
I have no explanation and no clue how it happened… but I grew up. Or, to better put it, I am growing up. We never stop growing and changing as people, but there are certain milestones that we hit that really let us know “Hey, you’ve changed.”
Hitting those milestones can be scary. Really scary. I’ve had to learn to look at them and say “Yes, I have changed. And it’s for the better.”
That is what this post is. Two years ago when I first started writing a blog I was terrified to make any posts. I was scared of people in my hometown judging me, of being made fun of or losing friends. Now, two years into chasing my own happiness, I am still terrified to make blog posts. Not from fear of judgment, but from fear that it isn’t up to my own standards of work, that this isn’t a good enough portrayal of the kind of writer I picture myself to be.
My first post that got me through the fear of writing a blog was 18 Things I Learned by 18. Now, two years later, I get to write 20 Things I Learned by 20 to cap off my teens as I become a 20-year-old teenage girl.
Dressing trendy is never going to suit you. If you try to decide how you are going to look based on what you think will fit in, you’re going to always be concerned with how you look. Instead, go for what makes you happy, because that is what you’re going to look back on as a fun memory where you could focus on more than just your appearance.
Exercise is so good for you. Whether it is weightlifting or a gentle walk, moving your body is a necessity for your mental health. It’s what people were meant to do!
There is no one way to exercise. Going hand-in-hand with the above note, you don’t have to do one specific thing to get yourself moving. I have discovered that I hate weightlifting at this point, and so I won’t make myself do it! Do what is fun, and that’s where the benefits come from.
Keep your space clean. It’s going to make you feel so much better to wake up and go to bed in a clean space. That can look different for everyone, though. Personally, I make my bed every day, but I also have a corner in my closet where I can dump things that I just do not want to deal with at the moment.
Don’t get worried about response time. In the modern cell phone age it can be hard not to expect an immediate response to a text, or feel pressured to give one. Try to let go of that. People lived for thousands of years writing each other letters, no one needs a response ASAP.
Try not to live on your phone. Is watching that video or texting that person a lot more fun than reading or watching trees go by in a car ride? Yeah, a lot of the time it is. The thing is, it isn’t more engaging. It’s not something you’re going to feel refreshed after, so try to avoid that choice.
Music is so important to life. I have so many playlists (mine are separated on Spotify by vibe). Having a playlist playing to reflect your mood, or a certain song that speaks to your situation does wonders for wrapping our minds around how life is going at the moment.
Sometimes fun is the healthy choice. On my 18 Things I Learned by 18 post, I wrote to never stay up past 4 a.m. Well here is me refuting that. Some of the best nights of my life have been all nighters pulled with people so engaging that neither of us wanted to fall asleep. And that is okay, I gained so much more talking all night than I lost in hours of sleep.
It is okay to feel like the world is ending. Sometimes bad things will happen in life, and usually the advice is along the lines of “Don’t worry, life goes on.” It is important to remember that life does go on, but that that doesn't diminish your feelings in the moment. Cry all day, don’t leave bed and hold your childhood stuffed animals. Your future self will feel so much less weighed down and thank you for it.
Always tell the truth. This one was on my past post, and it holds true today enough to be the #10 spot right in the middle. Lying will hurt you, even if it doesn’t come back to bite you, it’s going to be something you know you did forever. \
Karma is real. Those who do wrong on purpose will have it come back to them.
Learn to forgive, not forget. When people do bad things, and we open up to forgive them, it is so tempting to go back to how it was. You have to acknowledge that bad things have happened in order to grow from them, but make space to recognize that other people can change and grow for the better just as you can. I was taught this by a great woman in my life, and I will always take this lesson moving forward.
Explore the world. There is so much out there beyond the edges of your hometown or home country even that no one of us will ever manage to know it all by any means. Don’t do yourself the disservice of not at least seeing some of it.
Don’t skip class. I know this one is probably an obvious one, but when I pay as much as I do for what is taught in my classes, I know I should be going to them and gaining that knowledge.
A dog is a man’s best friend. No one will love you as loyally or unconditionally as a dog will. Value that.
Don’t wait on other people. Fill your days with things you love to do and enjoy. If people want to be in your life and are a good fit for your life they will work their way into that naturally. If you have to sit at home waiting for someone else to show up, it won’t be worth it when they do.
Age is just a number. I have met teenagers who are some of the most complex people I know, and people in their fifties who are, frankly, idiots. Don’t discount someone’s knowledge and ability because of age, but don’t upsell it either.
Eat green things. They’re good for you, and I promise you’ll start to like them the more you do.
Say yes more, but don’t compromise on yourself. Unless something would actively be bad for you, do it. You only live once, might as well make the most of it.
Let yourself love more. Who cares about social standards or that hookup culture expectation to not care about people. Allow yourself to care, to love, and to show the people that is about every bit of it. It feels so much better to let out all the love you have and not care about a response than it does to hold it in in case there is a bad response.
And that’s all I’ve learned so far! Just kidding, there is so much more and this list could go on and on. For the sake of simplicity and the fear of me never stopping writing, I’m keeping it at 20 for now. After all, I get one more every year.
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